0 How to Deal with a Break Up

Break ups can be hard to take, especially for those of you on the receiving end. Emotions are normally running high and our rationality isn't what it usually might be, and you may feel like this for quite some time depending on how bad it has affected you.  
Of course I'm not saying that you will be fine once you've read this post or any other post regarding a break up because that's not realistic, but I hope that these tips will at least help you to better deal with your break up than you would otherwise and helps you to return to your usual self again sooner than you may have done.

1. Mull it Over

Whether you are the person who caused the break up or are the person who was on the receiving end of the break up, take time to think things through. I'm not talking about maybe taking 10-15 minutes to think, I'm talking about having a proper think about what has happened. What was the reason for the break up? There might be none that you can think of but for the break up to have happened there must have been one. Maybe it was because of a fault on your behalf, maybe on the other persons behalf? I don't know.
Whatever the reason is, those who have been in a relationship and have broken up are normally affected, and so should take the time to think about what has happened. It's healthy for you to sort things out in your mind and make clear of shady areas.

2. Don't Dwell

After mentioning that it would be good for you to have a proper think about what has happened and to sort things out in your head, as it's something that can be hard for you to get your head around, I will now say don't constantly think about it. A common trap that people fall into is that they start to 'dwell'. If you dwell too much on why your relationship has ended and on why you aren't still together you may start to develop some unhealthy mind-sets. I know it's easy for me to say this, I mean how can you not think about it if it has particularly hurt you? I say this because this is an unhealthy mindset to take up and can lead to other unhealthy behaviours such as obsession, jealousy and revenge, this will NOT help you deal with the break up at all - they will make the situation worse. 

3. Don't go Back on Your Words

If you were the one who did the breaking up, stick to your decision and don't go back to your ex. I'm saying this because if it hasn't worked up to now (hence your break up) why will it work if you were to go back there? Also it's not fair on the other person to put them through that, it's playing with their emotions. If however, they have done something to deserve you breaking up with them then I would say that it will probably be unfair on you if you were to get back together with them.

Also, if you are rethinking about the decision then chances are is because you are reminiscing about the good times, the romantic/flirty times, not the bad times. The parts that you miss most about the relationship will be roaming your mind but in reality will it just go straight back to that?
Your ex will understand how you feel...right?Don't assume that at all, although it sounds harsh - you must accept the situation and carry on with your life.

4. Don't Hate

After a break up, it can be more than easy to turn those feelings of affection/love for your ex into anger and in some cases hatred. For whatever reason you feel like they deserve all of your anger, I would advise against it. Although I can understand the anger and understand that you might not be best friends right now (or that you may never go back to being friends), it is an unhealthy mind-set to have. You will be doing yourself no favours, whist you may feel like they deserve it, it is definitely not going to help you deal with your break up. Anger can also lead to obsessive behaviour regarding your ex and jealousy...not a good place to be.

If you go through the anger-stage, it may not even be your ex who you are directing your anger towards. It may be yourself you are angry at, even if you didn't do anything wrong. This is more common than it sounds. After a break up people are angry at themselves for maybe not noticing the signs, or for making the choice to get together with the other person in the first place.
It is a waste of energy to beat yourself up, it won't change what has happened, it's best to move on.

5. Talk to Friends and Family

Of course in a situation like this many people want to be comforted, someone to talk to about what has happened. Talk to friends and family members who will understand what you are going through and how you are feeling. They will often offer the help and support that you need to cope with the situation, especially for those who wear their heart on their sleeve.

6. Write Your Feelings Down

For some people talking to people close to them may not be as helpful (or an option) as writing their feelings down. Writing your feelings down is similar to talking to others in the fact that you are getting your emotions out, however instead of others knowing how you feel you are dealing with your emotions yourself.
It's quite amazing how much writing things down help and really brings to life some of those thoughts and emotions that you have been bottling up.

7. Give Yourself Space

If you both now can't stand the sight of each other and have unfortunately fallen out completely, then it is going to be pretty easy to have space from each other as you wont want to see each other. However, if you two have decided to stay as friends, or even as best friends, make sure that you have some space. If you stay as friends and continue to have regular contact with each other, it can be very easy to revert back to a relationship or to things you might regret. If that's what you want then I suppose you wouldn't mind, but you need to ask yourself is that really what you want? Is it really worth it and what will you be gaining by going back there? Also, not to mention after a break up your emotions are going to be having a tug-of-war with you and things can easily become confusing.

I would suggest taking a break away from him/her, not having any contact. I'm talking about no face-to-face contact, no texts, no emails, no Facebook, no phone calls, no letters, no being around his family members, etc. Of course, I know that having no contact with your ex is going to be impossible for some of you, for example if you work together.

8. Keep Active and Busy

If your break up has hit you particularly hard, try to keep as active and as busy as possible. I say this because when something is weighing heavily on our minds and we don't have much to be doing, we can start to dwell on it (point #2), which can lead to our moods spiralling downwards. Making sure that you are active and busy, whilst you can still think about your break up, will also keep your mind occupied with doing what you are doing. Don't allow yourself to stop functioning, keep pushing forward.

9. Have a Routine

This tip ties in with tip #8 of keeping active and busy, and that is to have a routine. After a break up it is normal for your daily routine to have been disrupted and thrown out of balance, so having a routine/plan is going to be a very helpful thing to have on hand. You will know what you are doing for the day without having to think about it. A break up can amplify and worsen stress and chaos making things a bit hectic, but having that routine set in place will help you to deal with that.
A post of mine you may want to read: Things-to-do-Today List.

10.  Avoid using Food, Drugs or Alcohol as a Means to Escape

I'm not saying that you are of course going to turn to the bottle when you are feeling down, but some people when they are feeling down (or as down as they might be after a break up) may turn to something for comfort. This may be food, alcohol, drugs, etc.. You should find a better and healthier way of helping you cope with your break up.

Conclusion

Break ups can be a sensitive topic, so I hope that I haven't sounded too harsh or dismissive with anything that I have said. If you are going through a break up, whatever the reason for it, I hope that these tips have helped.